toxicity

Funny how I was reading back my older posts and I realize how things can change in a split second. One moment I thought I was in a happy place but at the next second, everything ended.

I spent a year together with my ex - whom I blogged about in my previous post and how I was looking forward to many more years ahead with him. Sadly things turned out differently this year - we fought more than usual and I was getting impatient with him, I find myself having to hold back and only allowed to always be on my best self & keep the bad ones to myself etc etc... then, that very day came. He stopped trying, he gave up.

I was completely broken the first few days after the breakup, unsure how am I going to restart and heal. After all, I took a 8 months break from being in a relationship before meeting him and I should have known not to commit to a person whom was not even certain about his future. I knew I couldn't rely on him, and I had to be the one supporting whatever it takes if we managed to make it to the end. But, haha like what people said - love is blind, and indeed I couldn't see how toxic this relationship was eating me from the inside day by day to the point my friends could see how this isn't doing me good.

My temper got worst from the number of fights we had, I had to suck things up whenever he insisted his point was right or even getting misunderstood, being forced to think that my thoughts/opinions are wrong and that his were always right. Don't even get me started how he started to be so obsessed with betting lol ok, that's just some of the reasons why we didn't work I dwna go too much into details because it won't be pleasant and it might sound too one sided. No doubt I still hate how he ended things immaturely because if I had the chance to reply, I would jolly well agree to this breakup and told him I had enough as well and I can be perfectly fine, or I would say, even better without him.

Thanks to the breakup, I feel more like myself. I didn't had to answer to anyone, I could say and feel what I want, I could finally breathe. I didn't have to sleep crying every single time we fight, or wonder when's the next time we are going to fight again. I don't have to do what I don't want to do, I could be out every single weekend with my friends and not be forced to stay home all the time because of him. So much that I sacrificed and compromised, but it wasn't even worth it.

Never am I going to lower myself for a guy like this anymore.